Yamida no Juujinkan

I really meant to keep most of real life out of this journal.  But I think every corner of the internet I have has been pretty thoroughly infested one way or another with people I IRL know.  Which is just irritating, since I don't want to hear their crap about robots or what I post on my tumblr all the time.  But more importantly, because I hate the good 'ol boy system and the possibility of coworkers seeing me bitch.   

And I really do mean that.  I hate the good 'ol boy system.  I don't know if it's all the military (but I've pretty much had it confirmed that yes, yes it is), but it's half the reason I stay as happy as I can where I am.  I have no dick.  And that's how you get anywhere within the military structure, for the most part.  Probably, especially here in the south.  You have a dick and you play golf and you talk the big talk- even when you can't walk it.  I could name four people off the top of my head who did jack shit but play friends and do shit they weren't supposed to do in order to walk into their jobs.  You fuck up, you move up.  All that.  Hard workers need not apply. 

And when they need a fall guy, they find one.  My lead is being relieved of his position due to a failure that was caused by something that isn't even his job.  It's pretty much ruined my weekend.  Yeah, part of it is because he stood up for us and looked out for us.  And no one else in that org seems to know what we do, why we do it or if it even needs to get done.  But mostly, it's because that man is one of the sweetest damn people I know.  His eyes light up when he talks about his family or his rottweilers and he gets so embarrassed when things go over his head.   He's adorable.  He's completely adorable.  And it's so, so wrong that he has to deal with this now.  Worrying about where he'll be able to be moved, or if he can be moved in the company during an economy like this.  Dealing with the fact that he's in cancer remission and now might be unemployed.  

He's worked in the white house.  He's been from one part of the country to the other and probably to half the parts of the world considering what little I know about him.  And he's dedicated his life to security and for the last decade to this project.  And now they're tossing him out.  Because our whole command structure has been moving around, getting replaced, and our newest one seems to want his own good 'ol boys brought over to his own team.  Because he's not like that other team who we can never get support from.  Cause their lead plays games online with the big boss.  So no matter how many times he gets dressed down in the meetings nothing will happen to him.  

I dunno what's going to happen to my department, other than someone being brought in who doesn't even work on our side being given the reins.  But this weekend, at least, as worried as I am about what's going to happen to me, I'm going to be way more busy being pissed by what they've done to one of the gentlest men I know, who's stressed himself to the point of passing out to make shit happen for these asshats for years.  Just because he doesn't talk the good talk, he does what he needs to get done.  And doesn't misdirect blame if he does something wrong.  But mostly, mostly.  Because he's not just there to be their buddy.  

And just so this isn't completely real life related- TF Anonny, do you know us?  I might be jumping to assumptions here, but the angry no review rule came awfully quick if it's in reaction to me and Kon.  I guess it could have been someone else bitching about the same crap on the meme, but let's assume for a moment that it was because of our little bitchfest.  

Good lord, even if it wasn't.  Don't take it out on your reviewers.  Hell, don't take it out on yourself.  The whole point of bitching way over here on the other side of the internet is to let other people still have their fun.  Go have your fun, anon.  If we're bro or were bro, I hope you don't have hard feelings.  Heck, go have some discussion, if you want.  You can stay anon.  I don't think I or Kon have anon reviewing off.  (Edit: Oh, hey, I did have mine off.  Not off no more.)

But go have fun. Go have fun with your reviews and leave the bitching out of it, because, goddamn. You've written a lot and you deserve it. You want an honest review of the fic?  Cause I assure you it's still overwhelmingly positive over here and the majority of the bitching was about things that have bothered the both of us about the meme and fandom(s) in general for a long damn time.  Don't let other people bring you down and lessen your enjoyment in something that is so overwhelmingly positive.  

Everyone was screaming at one another at work. My site is almost late and is still all messed up. The argument had me stuck at work an hour late. I cooked dinner and breakfast for tomorrow. Piled up the paperwork I'm not done with to get it off the couch. Vacuumed up the shredded mail bits. Covered the plants for the freeze tonight. Broke up a cat fight and cleaned up the water bowl they sprayed across the room and did all the dishes.

And I feel like I just had a great relaxing light day. That's the kind of December I had. The last really big appointment I was going to have tomorrow got rescheduled, and I feel all greeeeat.

Do I want to veg out playing torchlight? Do I want to start sketching? I don't know what to do without all of the holiday deadlines and pressures. It's amazing.

Anyone who watches juushinkan might be reading what I posted before.  Sorry about that, but I thought I might put the more real life crud back over on that journal where it belongs.  For the year in review here on Joules, it seems much more appropriate, to do a little something involving some Transformers instead.


( That's Way More Like It )

I'm starting to get bored. At least, I do believe that's what I'm beginning to get. A rather impressive feat considering I can entertain myself with a popcorn ceiling for at least an hour. Necessity adapted me to being a rather self contained and efficiently run pile of cell processes. But even so, now I'm starting to fester.

I haven't been forefront in a fandom since I was a teen with the time to do that sort of junk. My new job, however, has a worrisome amount of downtime, and while I should be studying for the time when my paranoia is proven correct and I'm laid off, I just don't want to spend the money on classes right now. So, my downtime has turned to other projects. But those are all planned now, and Christmas is looming close. Increasingly, every year, I kind of take a step back and wonder what I'm doing. I'm a somewhat neglectful friend when it comes down to it, but I tend to be a bit overly flamboyant when it comes to Christmas. It's not even driven by guilt or obligation (except in the instance of family). It's more like an excuse to shower people who I like with gifts without having to be embarrassed about it.

But that's all planned. Sites are marked for later reference. My supplies are piled on the counters. Now, I'm here at work without any of that and actual downtime (when my credit card isn't being fraudulently charged, anyway) that I'm starting to run out of things I need to research and am sitting here wondering what the heck am I going to do.

I finally got on board with tumblr, and looking through it when I remember to has made me realize that I'm back on the other side of the moat as far as fandom goes. I was having fun as a behind the scene runner. I've typed up long e-mails debating about jet characterization on blackberries while standing by the flightline gate and listening to jet engines. Skim over fics sent to me while sitting inside of a delivery van. Now I'm here and that's kind of gone now. Everyone who still had time for the internet has moved on now. Either busy themselves with other crap or gotten their own new circles.

And so, the conundrum of reliving college days. I used to write five posts a day. Used to have pointless comment conversations just to try and see if LJ had a max. Then everyone got busy and moved on, and it's kind of like that all over again. The internet can be a bustling infrastructure of fun an activity. But it can also be a void. Do I really want to run this operation pretty much solo? I'm rather used to running creatively as a group. Kon is around, but we do all the things together and real life tends to pull our interests in all direction.

I mean. I've got lists of roboart and robostories to write and draw and plot and do, but the jokes behind a lot of them have kinda gone dead and quiet. It's sort of depressing.

I suppose I still have my orders to do something for NANO. Just not really feeling very inspired.

"And his two twin brothers, they're like five or six, but not as bad as this kid was. And for some reason one of the twins likes to, um *voice lowers* likes to play with girl things."

"I'm not sure why his mom lets him, but that kid sure likes his Barbies. I don't know if he'll outgrow it or if it means something for later. You know, like maybe he'll grow up to be like... gay."

Yes. You're a homophobe. I get it. Shut up. You don't think you're a homophobe but shut up. 'I'm fine with what people do in private but no one has the right to teach my son that that sort of behavior is ok' still makes you a homophobe. Not an understanding, of course not a bigot concerned parent.

We've kept away from politics lately. I thought we had something going. Or at least the ride to work wouldn't involve me replying with silence just to keep the peace.

Let's have a hatefest. One that includes a few spoilers if you haven't seen these things somehow.

Day 03 - Least Favorite Autobot:

I tried to pick a different bot than Kon did. I really did. I tried, but I can't. Mostly because I hate him way more than she does.

I tried, I really did. Tried my best. But I just can't stand this guy. He was alright at first, I guess. But he sulks longer and worse than Thundercracker. He thinks he's the Avatar and he acts like depressed Naruto. He's half the reason why I can't accept Drift. I mean, Drift is bad enough all by himself.

And more than anything, it's because I can tell that the creators fap their asses off about him. They love him. His teary hippie attitude. His genius chakra robot meditation. And I can't help but think it's woefully bad. 'Oh.... ninja robot.... oh....' Not like it's anything new to the TF Franchise, but I had hoped that such stupid concepts had been left behind in the Marvel days.

But no. Then we have this guy. You don't know if he's going to stage a peaceful protest or go cry in the dark under the base. Then he goes and dies while holding a Robo-seance. What a hipster.

Day 04 - Least Favorite Decepticon:



Yeah, that's right. I said it. My least favorite Decepticon is movie Megatron. Most of the driving plot of evil is about him and his stupid. By the end, I just feel sorry for him since he's talking to walls and elephants and got lobotomized and can't seem to stop crying.

Mostly, I hate him because he's crazy. He's not cunning. He's not clever. He's barely even brutish. In 2007, he stormed around inside of buildings and reminded me of Jurassic Park. Sniffing out little fleshlings and crushing up through floors with his big teeth. In RotF. Well.

He's the Fallen's bitch. And anyone who's a bitch to 'ol Spiky McWaddles Face is ultra lame in my books.

He hears voices. He got one shotted after being MIA from the battle that took out all of his commanding officers. He drove through space like a frothing rabid dog and crashed into a glacier and knocked himself out.

I mean. This is some grade A Jackass stuff right here.

So LJ fucked itself right as I wrote this yesterday. So I guess day 2 is now getting posted today.

I have a problem with picking just one Decepticon. Well, actually, I don't. But that's really sad, and I'm almost ashamed to say it. My e-peen shrinks just thinking it.

My favorite Decepticon is Starscream.

Perhaps my origin story, however, redeems me in some ways. I'm old. I don't quite remember when dirt was new, but I know that I saw a few episodes of Transformers when it came out on TV. They might have been reruns (I hope), but something about the time slot was hard for me to ever catch, so I only ever saw a handful of episodes. But I liked Starscream because he sounded funny when I was four.

Fast forward, and sitting in that theater in 2007 was like a nostalgia trip. :D Hey, that's the jet one! Something about the jet one. Something. The jet one. And from the deep sleep of my memory, I dredged up recalling that I liked that fucker for some reason. It merited further examination.

Low and behold that Starscream is apparently the epitome of that asshole guys hate. Because he gets all the girls despite being a dick. 'Why can't I get all the chicks?' neckbeards lament. 'Look at these all these chicks loving Starscream!'

Honestly, I'm not sure why most people like him. It's kind of like the Snape theory. Though, Snape can't be as unintentionally funny and/or cute as Starscream can manage to be in his childishness. While a lot of people like to redeem, I like them both for being selfish, assholic fucks. All my favorite characters are assholes in one way or another. Though, I do like how Starscream goes from dick to fuckfuckfuck in less than a second!

Fandom just continues to perpetuate the amusement, because he's used and abused in every way possible. Which, fandom also seems to be rebelling against in the last year. 'Y U NO USE SOMEONE OTHER THAN STARSCREAM? U LOSER, RAPE SOMEONE MORE INTERESTING RAPE. LIKE RARE RAPE, LIKE HUBCAP. HE ONLY IN COMIC CAMEO FOR ONE PANEL.' I've never gotten this mentality. But it's mostly because I'm very character driven and one track minded. I probably like a much broader variety of characters in TF than I have in any other fandom. But I'm not going to stop doing or reading fics and content about a character just because haters think it's too popular.

Haha. Fandom rules of engagement.

This got off topic like woah! And, because I love Decepticons best. Have a list of my favoritest. They're all so stupid! It's hard to keep the list small!

G1: Soundwave, Rumble/Frenzy, Ravage, Laserbeak, Stunticons, Astrotrain. BW: Inferno, Waspinator, Megatron. IDW: Megatron, Starscream. Animated: Blitzwing, Swindle. TF-Prime: Knock Out, Breakdown, Starscream.

With hundreds of characters, it's a giant bitch trying to figure out just one to highlight above all others. Especially on the Autobot side, where my bias isn't quite so heavy, or my love quite as thick. I mean, we who loves our Decepticons true must admit. Most of the Autobots just aren't quite as fun. First of all, they don't have as many mental and emotional disorders. The list just goes on from there.

But the one Autobot, who I've gone back to time and time again would be Ratchet. I think I liked him when I watched as a kid. For being Wheeljack's IDGAF drinking buddy and DAMMIT JIM, I'M A DOCTOR attitude. Also for apparently being a massive party guy in his younger days. I like him in TF: Animated, even though he's half Kup. He's just cantankerous and so regretful because underneath his gruff he's too much of a good guy.

Also gotta give him props for giving Megatron the finger and beating Starscream's face in back in Marvel days. Just because his morals said so. And no matter how much I've had to let myself get used to the designs in TF: Prime and get past those first episodes that were pretty F-ing dreadful, in there it's like the creators went reading fanfic and came out with that.

He's amazing. And I blame justnuts entirely for why I kept watching. Also for making him even more awesome.

Bonus: My dream lulz AU for him would be teaming up with another medic. One who's outfit matches his paint job. One who has a Spy waiting for him back in the fridge.


Oh yeah. Don't lie. You know you all want to see it too.

( Further Days for Reference )

Kon wished, harassed and encouraged me to draw. So today, I drew. And there was much teeth gnashing as I had to relearn things I already knew. But I have, I think, given her what she wants.

EDIT: OH HEY, USING A TABLET ON DUAL SCREEN FUCKS IT ALL UP. No wonder I felt like I was drawing with a rock. Durrhurr fixed ratio now. Better luck next time newb.

( Optimus and Starscream: A Love Story )

I haven't posted to, well, anything lately. I've been horrible about reading twitter and facebook. I hardly look at lj anymore. My life has become this sort of whirlwind juggle of trying to go to the gym, working under new management (B/), spending too much money and indulging too much and going to my class.

I do have a back injury that was discovered after my accident. Not as serious as it could be, but it will be mostly permanent because lol spine. That got me thinking. I have to lift for my job, a lot. And not being able to do so makes me much less useful. Which made me worried about my job. Which made me network a little bit here and there.

Which brings me to the fact that I am more than likely MOVING within my organization. It will be astounding, and if the position I want gets approved, then apparently I will get it. The new prospective boss is apparently so interested that if they only get one slot, then she'll pick me. The only problem is that my current boss can say if I can leave or not because of internal rule shittery. So, I am currently waiting for him to tell me he's ready to talk to me so I can begin this conversation. So. Nothing official. Not officially opened up, but looking very, very likely that I am going to be MOVING ON.

Which will be awesome and astounding, since that job will not be the busy job that my current one is. It deals with security which also appeals to me more than end user support. Granted, there's all sorts of asshattery as far as trying to get other people to do their job so I can do mine, but I will have TIME again. At work, even, to study up. I'll get my Sec+, might even try to throw down for a CCSP. Decide if I want to get hardware or network certs. And in the meantime, go back to doing more school online because I'd have study time. FFFFFFF OMG I'M ACTUALLY EXCITED.

Since that would also mean time to do herpderp things like write, sketch and all the little things. :B

But while I wait for those AMAZING POSSIBILITIES, current life is just kinda mundane but fun. On impulse, I bought two budgies. Because one was GORGEOUS AND A BABY. She's regularly marked, but a grey wing and looks like she's grey factor in the body, too. So she looks entirely lilac and white. And she was SO FREAKING IN LOVE with a little normal but very deep and brightly colored turquoise boy. SHALLOW, BUT STILL. They still had all their little head bars and were hop hopping around together and sleeping up against one another. LIKE I COULD SEPARATE THAT.

I intended them to be cage birds, but I've had them less than a week and already managed to get both of them on my hands because they are so millet addicted I feel like a dealer. That little girl, who we named Bubbles, was smart enough to figure it out in a day. YOU HAVE MILLET :3 The boy took a little longer because he's MOE, and then freaked out and flapped himself into a corner and went under the dresser. Bubbles was all :C where did you- OH, FUCK NEVERMIND MILLET and didn't even cheep until I put her back in her cage.

Then we lured him out with moar millet sprays. He's totally moe and freaks the fuck out with trying to fly away, then hid in my hair like he thought he was safe.

We're thinking of naming him CHRONOS or MAGNUS. Something IRONIC AND MANLY. I think I like Chronos better, but Magnus is so manly. Do you get more manly than Magnus? I think I'd have to name him like, ROCK HARD PACK or MACHINE GUN or FLAMES or something to get more manly than Magnus.

Also, that beta is totally going to be named Tracks. Except he's like crazy Cliffjumper tracks. Always tries to attack the shiny colors on the tank background. But he's blue and has like, yellow flames in the middle of his tailfins. And swims around with THE BIGGEST DORSAL FIND I'VE SEEN ON A BETA EVER. Totally Tracks.

Waiting for meeting with the boss. FFFFFF this had better go well.