Oct. 25th, 2011

joules_burn: (Megatron: What you Say)
I'm starting to get bored. At least, I do believe that's what I'm beginning to get. A rather impressive feat considering I can entertain myself with a popcorn ceiling for at least an hour. Necessity adapted me to being a rather self contained and efficiently run pile of cell processes. But even so, now I'm starting to fester.

I haven't been forefront in a fandom since I was a teen with the time to do that sort of junk. My new job, however, has a worrisome amount of downtime, and while I should be studying for the time when my paranoia is proven correct and I'm laid off, I just don't want to spend the money on classes right now. So, my downtime has turned to other projects. But those are all planned now, and Christmas is looming close. Increasingly, every year, I kind of take a step back and wonder what I'm doing. I'm a somewhat neglectful friend when it comes down to it, but I tend to be a bit overly flamboyant when it comes to Christmas. It's not even driven by guilt or obligation (except in the instance of family). It's more like an excuse to shower people who I like with gifts without having to be embarrassed about it.

But that's all planned. Sites are marked for later reference. My supplies are piled on the counters. Now, I'm here at work without any of that and actual downtime (when my credit card isn't being fraudulently charged, anyway) that I'm starting to run out of things I need to research and am sitting here wondering what the heck am I going to do.

I finally got on board with tumblr, and looking through it when I remember to has made me realize that I'm back on the other side of the moat as far as fandom goes. I was having fun as a behind the scene runner. I've typed up long e-mails debating about jet characterization on blackberries while standing by the flightline gate and listening to jet engines. Skim over fics sent to me while sitting inside of a delivery van. Now I'm here and that's kind of gone now. Everyone who still had time for the internet has moved on now. Either busy themselves with other crap or gotten their own new circles.

And so, the conundrum of reliving college days. I used to write five posts a day. Used to have pointless comment conversations just to try and see if LJ had a max. Then everyone got busy and moved on, and it's kind of like that all over again. The internet can be a bustling infrastructure of fun an activity. But it can also be a void. Do I really want to run this operation pretty much solo? I'm rather used to running creatively as a group. Kon is around, but we do all the things together and real life tends to pull our interests in all direction.

I mean. I've got lists of roboart and robostories to write and draw and plot and do, but the jokes behind a lot of them have kinda gone dead and quiet. It's sort of depressing.

I suppose I still have my orders to do something for NANO. Just not really feeling very inspired.

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joules_burn

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